Past-Midnite Thoughts

It's almost 02.00 in the morning and I'm still [half]wide awake watching TV. I apparently not a morning person. I'm a bat. I was a morning person; got up really early in the morning and sleep before 10.00 at night. High school, that's when I started sleeping 03.00 in the morning watching movies on HBO. My guilty pleasure. And tonight, here I am, like always, can't stop thinking about random things.

I talk to my mom just now and after I thought about it, we basically talked about one thing for 57 minutes: about the future. We talked about some people, the past, my siblings, family members here and there but mostly, the future. There are more things we have in common now: we both single (for different reasons, of course), jobless, and just traveling around [almost] purposeless. Based on this things, she wanted me to come home and accompany her.

I know I was very heartless (I'd say), for being so selfish and wanted to have my own ways to plan my future. My purpose of life been was so..egocentric. I want to be great. Who doesn't? I want to be a great scientist, achieve great things, earn a lot of money that I can do things I want to do, buy things that will make me happy adding to the endless list of things that I want to do and join the band of hedonist. I deserve to be great!

But no, I don't deserve anything. I haven't done anything to deserve something. What makes great people great anyway? Is it what they achieved? How much they earn? How religious they are? How devoted, hardworking, discipline, determined, successful they are? Or how happy they are? And will achieving less things make me less great?

Spiritually saying, as a created being, I'm already great no matter what I've achieved, how much money I make, even how miserable I am. And what makes humans great is not what they are,what they do or what they've achieved in life, but how much they are loved by God. Don't you feel GREAT? So..as the dawn approaching, have a GREAT day!