singayudhewe

The Dialogue

2012-02-17T13:40:00.000-08:00

Two ways conversation

Tuesday Blues..

2012-02-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

If the rest of the world had Monday Blues yesterday, I have Tuesday blues. I was okay, spiritful on Monday. But today I had to drag myself out of bed, get ready and face the world on this sunny Tuesday morning. Hope for the best for today.

That's my most uuhhmmm.....active student peeking on other classroom while the rest of the class is doing their work. (I had to let him out earlier to release all his energies, maybe you can't really see him on that small picture:D)

Monday

2012-02-05T18:13:00.002-08:00

Today we celebrate commemoration of when Gospel entered Papua, a special holiday for this island. We had a worship service and keeping the younger student to behave is almost impossible. Not all of them, just some very active ones. And I'm just glad it's over and we can go eat our lunch soon. Happy Monday!

11 Months to go..

2012-01-22T18:38:00.000-08:00

Beib, we have exactly 11 months to our big day:)...

Luv u!

New Year Day

2012-01-21T04:56:00.000-08:00

We didn't get enough sleep from New Year's Eve thanks to thundering firecrackers and fireworks made the neighborhood sounded like Gaza strip on TV (I've never heard how the REAL Gaza strip sounds like). We woke up at noon and Marylin cook our New Year meal, Ayam Rica and Kangkung Cah. She even bought soft drinks to made it like a real New Year. A real New Year is when we all gather together as family and friends and family will come visit and be merry. Anyway, Happy New Year:-)

Church Potluck

2012-01-21T04:42:00.000-08:00

This is not a picture of a church potluck, but the food is as good. This is a picture from church's cooking competition and I'm grateful we have a lot of good cooks: church potlucks always have good food:-)

Lunch

2012-01-19T18:42:00.000-08:00

Still waiting for our lunch, so I'm catching up with my blog post.

Bayu and Lerie visited Bandung on December and we had so much fun. We should do that more often.

New Hobby

2012-01-19T17:50:00.000-08:00

My sister in law Lerie, started her blogyear this year, which inspired me to start my blogyear too. There are not places to go here (going into the junggle in forbidden for a small girl like me), so I need a new hobby and I think blogging will be my not-so-new hobby.

We just finished our teacher training week-a week before school starts- today, with injured feet and bruised knees. Yeys.

And that's my first blog post this year.

school

2011-11-02T19:23:00.000-07:00

school

Surapajoy

2011-11-01T04:29:00.000-07:00

We're learning shapes in class and enjoying using geoboard in class. The first time we used it, the student taught each other how to use it. They were very happy when they form a shape on the geoboard.
" I can make surapajoy (soo-ru-pu-joy)," said one student when he succesfully made a trapezoid on the geoboard. I didn't know what he was saying, maybe it was just him trying to say trapezoid in his own word. I wrote the word down because I thought it was really cute.

A few weeks later I asked the same group of kids to make shapes on geoboard. I asked them to form trapezoid on the geoboard. That baby-talk student asked me, "What is that?" So I repeated, cos I thought he wasn' t listening.

"Trapezoid," said I.

" Is that this one?" he pointed to a square.

"Nope."

"This one?" now pointing to a hexagon.

"That's a hexagon. Make for me a trapezoid."

"I can't. I don't know what that is."

Frustrated, I tried," Surapajoy."

"Oh," he said, and made a neat trapezoid.

A Fish Story

2011-06-01T02:58:00.001-07:00

There was a small young fish living in a lake. One day, as that small fish played near the surface of the water, it listened to a fisherman and his son talked while they're waiting for some fish to get caught on their bait. That day, they were talking about how water is very important to all living things. The little fish was really fascinated and went to look for this amazing called water.

It went to ask a bigger older fish.
''I've never seen that thing you're talking about. The larger fish might know,''said the bigger older fish. So little fish went and asked the larger fish.

''Water? Never heard of. Go ask the mudskipper, he might know,'' said larger fish. So the little fish went and asked the mudskipper.

Mudskipper lived on the surface where none of the fishes ever visit. Sometimes he's out there, sometimes he's under the light. ''Where can I find water, oh wise mudskipper?''asked little fish.
''You don't know what water is,'' said mudskipper.
''I heard about it from the humans. It sound really amazing. Show me where can I find water?''
''Do you really want to know?''
''Yes!''
''Go jump to the other side and you will know.''
So off little fish went, to the other side. The other side was dry and muddy. There's nothing else. Little fish couldn't swim or moved anywhere. It was very uncomfortable. Little fish couldn't breathe. So little fish jumped back in. ''I couldn't find water out there! I almost died and I still couldn't find water. You lied. There was nothing like those humans said out there,'' said little fish.
''I didn't lie. What did you feel when you jumped in?'' said mudskipper wisely.
Little fish thinked for awhile and said,''I felt refreshed, I got my life back. I've never felt like that before.''
''That thing so refreshing which made you feel you got your life back is water, where you're living in.''

Most of the time, I felt like this little fish: keep finding things that already served on my presence. We thought we should find happiness and we become very unhappy not finding it. Happiness is already here <3.

posted from Bloggeroid

How We Write It

2011-03-21T20:46:00.001-07:00

Written Bahasa Indonesia is pretty much just how we sound it. Vowels are written just the way they sound. Much like Malay, the root of Bahasa Indonesia. It's much easier for children to write Indonesian words because they can write it just the way they sound. Like the word "minum"(mee-noom:drink), or "makan"(mu-kun:eat). To teach Indonesian students to write, we teacher just sound the word slowly and they already know how to write it.
When I said my name, they wrote "Ms. Sonya"

So when our expat adviser mentioned his name, "Mr. Craig",

they wrote, "Ms. Tekrek".

Okay...

2011-02-21T22:15:00.000-08:00

I'm praying so I'll survive this week.

Few months ago I was an apprentice, now I'm mentoring an Intern? Gosh. I'm doubting myself.

Semangat, Girl! YOU can do it!!

In a Year

2011-02-20T03:53:00.000-08:00

So my mom is now home marking a year since she left me in charge of the house and other properties. I know I did not do well in keeping the house clean and tidy-I'm too busy with myself-and I could catch a hint of disappointment in her voice. Nevertheless, since she arrived home, we spent a lot of time catching up with each other even though we always talking on the phone every now and then when she's away. In our conversation she made me realize how God had been so good to us since the past year. I got a permanent job, a BF, add ceiling to the house (before my mom left, the house was ceiling-less. Imagine :D), and many other thing that I took for granted. There are so many things to add to the list so I want to thank God for all the grace He has shown, all the love, mercy and blessing. And I still couldn't thank Him enough.

Cassette vs DVD

2011-02-10T17:42:00.000-08:00

We we're reading Judi and Ron Barrett's "Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs" when one of the students said the she had the movie with same name. There is a movie made based on the book (film adaption) in 2009. I asked her if she could bring the movie, and she said she would bring the cassette.

The cassette? To make sure what kind of cassette she would bring so we could prepare the right player. So I asked her if the cassette is a large kind (means it's a VHS cassette) or a smaller one (means we need a Beta player). Then she said,

"Huh? It's small and circular and thin like a plate."

Okay, so NOW they call a disc, cassette.

Connected

2011-01-31T21:37:00.000-08:00

At last there's Wi-Fi connection at my workplace. It means I can post a blogpost almost everytime I'm inspired. Yays! I don't have anything to write about now, but I will have the connection to put something online easily.

Until next time.

Almost 2011

2010-12-31T04:49:00.000-08:00

It's the second last day of 2010 and so many things happen in the last few months since the last time I blogged on June. Actually, I didn't really update anything. So since Mangga told me to use the remaining credit for his internet this month, I thought to really put something on my blog.

Yes, these past two years wasn't easy. Started when I graduated when life "forced" me to grow up. I wasn't ready to face the world and be someone. I had dreams and things didn't work the way I wanted so I tried my best to go with the flow; I learned it the hard way how painful it was to go against the current. So...I found myself back home, learning things I never imagine myself doing and put myself aside as part of my 2009's resolution.

Now, I work as a Grade 1 teacher, got a wonderful guy to keep me company and put up with all my tantrum and self-centered behavior, got some vacation allowance, a set of Wii, and two turtles.

What I have now is totally different from what I had when I was back in Thailand; my life was never the same since my father passed away, and My mom and I are doing our best to comfort each other..and I know I'm the worst in being a good daughter.

So yeah, that's my 2010 in a nutshell. Barely. More later.

(I wrote this post yesterday, but there was blackout and I didn't get to post it)

Pulang.

2010-06-07T21:07:00.000-07:00

Go home. Pulang.

My sister put "..ingin pulang.."(want to go home)on her FB status few days ago. I commented "pulang kemana?"(where to?)

It was a rethorical question. Really. She could come home here, Papua. We do have a house here. An unfinished house, thanks to my selfish desire to get quality education in exotic land, our living room doesn't have a ceilling; it went straight to the roof. That doesn't really matter actually. It's still a cozy and spacy house. And yes, she could come here, like I said. If she wants to.

But to who? Practically, I don't live there. Since Mama left for Bandung, I never spend a night in that house. For the last 4 months. It is a house, but for me, not a home. It's too big and lonely to be called a home.

Or maybe to Malang? Some people live in that house, supposedly to maintain the house. Yet, my sister said the crack on the wall was so big we could see the clouds and sky through it. The door was so severely eaten by termites if the big bad wolf come, the could huff and puff the door in a single blow.

My mom is now at my brother's house while he and his wife are travelling somewhere else. My sister in Bandung and I'm here. And I want to go home too, whereever that is.

Another Day for Miss Teacher

2010-06-01T22:35:00.000-07:00

Gloomy mood has been hanging in the office for the whole day today. One of the educational consultant left for good this afternoon and as I write this post the other one decided not to come back to the office. Oh yeah, FYI, for the last three months, I've been working in the Teacher Development Center at the school while substituting here and there and spending about two hours "student-teaching" in the other school. There are two farang consultants in the center and I spend most of my time here as an Apprentice, or more like a kacung.

Anyway, we all went to send her to the airport and some of us came back to the office with no more mood the work (yet we still need to be AT work) and the weather hasn't been sunny the whole day. So here we are trying hard to be productive despite the gloomy mood we're having.

And it's another day for Miss Teacher

Locked with A Very Angry Kid

2010-04-05T23:11:00.000-07:00

I'm neither an educator, counselor, nor a therapist. I'm a scientist. I don't deal much with human emotions. Yet, I'm working with children with all kinds of problems and I feel a nagging guilt if I ignore them. God must have given me a large portion of patience to endure this job where rugrats are bouncing my way.

I've read books on how educators deal with angry, problematic, traumatized, difficult children, but I've never actually met them in my whole life, until today. I was in the room with one of the children who's notorious for his short temper and melancholic mood. I won't classify him in any group of disorders since I don't even know if his temper is a disorder, but anyway, I know that something need to be done to this kid.

He's one of the geniuses of the school yet his beautiful mind is not as beautiful as his behaviour. First, he has a dirty mouth. Second, his temper freaks out anyone who's in contact with him, and I can't believe the only way they deal with him is to ignore him! Am I the only one who thinks that this kid needs help? Oh well, I know I have Miss Universe's Personality who fights for world peace and feed the hunger, so anyway, at least working with this exceptional child is a unique past-time activity :D.

So...he threw a ball of paper on my face and I almost lost my temper and sent him out from the room. I didn't expect he's going to throw his tantrum outside the class and become an attraction for curious children who are getting ready to go home. Out of guilt for causing the commotion, I dragged him to the counselor's room, since the counselor wasn't here so I was alone in the room with him. I let him rolling on the floor crying and silently doing my things. The principal came and I nonchalantly explained to him what happened while actually fear for my life deep inside (that kid was holding a pair of scissors in his hand and he could stab me anytime, later on I found out that he's not that kind of person, but still I wouldn't let my guard down).

Honestly, I didn't know what to do. I just sat there and gave him a box of milk, some water and a book to write whatever he feels in a word. I really didn't know what I was doing but at least I wanted this to workout. So from an angry monster he's back to a little boy who needs his dosage of TLC.

And that's another day for Miss Teacher.

Oh, How I Love Monday ! xp

2010-03-28T17:53:00.000-07:00

This is the case of Val*(name changed due to privacy). He's one of my small Match class members. They put me there because there are kids that are particularly slow and since it's an enormous class it's easier to run it that way so those kids won't he lagging behind.

Anyway, this Val has a slow attention span and a little too difficult to handle. I am very inexperienced that I was too worried about my classroom management than the subject I need to deliver. When I realized that the material is not less important than classroom management, I started to articulate the material. One way kids draw attention is to copy what grownup says and that was what he did which pissed me off. As I said, I never dealt which children that much so I somtimes treat them as if they were my age(Or I was acting they're age (???)). We had this rule of giving sticker for good behavior and not getting sticker for bad behavior. Val was a bit annoying that morning (maybe from not having breakfast or whatever reason) and I took his sticker since not-getting-sticker threat didn't seem to work. Unpredictably, he tore the paper which they use to stick the stickers on into pieces (and literally pieces) and left the class without asking but politely taking the hall pass. The homeroom teacher caught him and asked whether he asked for permission or not which he didn't.

So he pulled the hall pass from his neck severing the hall pass while throwing his tantrum and causing a big commotion along the hallway inviting curious children as onlookers. Three male techers tried to catch him but this agile rugrat could get away and I met him in the "marketplace" later that day (so he left the school only with his uniform and most likely barefeet). I tried to give him a lolipop when I met him, I ended up losing cat-and-mouse to him. He didn't come to school the next day, but his parents brought him to school the day after that and I found out that causing commotion was the least of the trouble he caused; he punched a teacher on his face. I found that out from the other notorious students that he jumped and sent a jab on the teacher's face.

He came looking for me at my friend's place I'm staying now, unfortunately I was out that evening.

Sigh of Today

2010-03-17T15:53:00.000-07:00

The more I thought I’m doing it for myself, the more it becomes apparent that I’m doing it for myself. There’s something philosophical about this job I never knew before. Doing Science exercises my inquisitive mind yet this job requires me to do train people to be inquisitive. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I’m inquisitive by nature that their lack of interest is incomprehensible. That’s another challenge I’m facing. It’s always hard to accept differences; tolerance is easier.

This profession measures the length of my patience, the amount of my affection and the concentration of my creativity. I’m an apprentice. I hope I can get better soon. Like I said if I can handle this I can handle almost anything.

And when I'm lacking of motivations, there's always something funny about these kids that brightened my day, and yet, sometimes it's really hard to accept that they are just kids who don't know any better. It's hard to expect anything from them because they will surprise you beyond your expectation which makes you sigh in satisfaction..or frustration.

Cross-Profession

2010-02-11T17:40:00.000-08:00

Some people cross-dress, some other cross-gender. The other familiar with cross-culture, and I’m cross-profession. I keep saying that I wasn’t trained to be a teacher and I really wanted to work professionally as my training. Even so, it’s such an experience to work as a teacher. I really want to take the best out of this profession; I might hate it but I don’t want to waste my energy on complaining I want to be a survivor, a victor!

It’s only two weeks since my first day yet I could tell that in this profession, being with kids is when someone can fell the fullness of an abstract feeling. Being with children will help anyone to feel the sincerity, the essence of feeling itself, the true feeling, with no contamination of pride, envy, all “grown up” feelings.
I could say that I’ve felt the true “pride” when I could “tame” the MOST notorious student and made him do what I wanted him to do. Not that I was proud of myself that I achieve something, but I know that there is more of this kid from what he actually showed.

Educational psychologist would tell that this kid has ADHD, severe dyslexia, and anyone could tell he’s malnourished since his hair is orange (faded yellow combined with dirty brown). I know it’s too early to say that I successfully overcame him, but day-in-day-out, today I made him do his assignment. He actually came up with answer other students wouldn’t thought of. So as the period went by, he was the best student in class, for that period.

I’ve made my mission to make them at least learn something from my class. At least.
And that was another day for Miss Teacher.

Thrown

2010-02-11T17:37:00.000-08:00

There are days when I was so frustrated I couldn’t go on, and I’m only on my second week of my teaching career. I hated being an elementary teacher to begin with. A high school teacher wouldn’t frustrate me as much, but I was “thrown” here. I didn’t mean that this job is so low or worthless; it wasn’t my call to be an elementary teacher. I wasn’t ready to face children since I’m not yet grown up. I wasn’t prepared to face the battle with children. It’s a big responsibility and big responsibility is only for grown up. Beside, I wasn’t trained to be an educator; I’m a scientist, a scholar. I didn’t have the weapon to face little people.
Yet, there are times I could tell that I feel so proud: Proud of my students, proud of myself.

Last Tuesday, I planned to introduce Living Things to 3rd students. This particular class has the worst students in the whole elementary section, the most notorious students and I’ve had them in my class on my first week and they got me freaked out! I have never met a student like them and with my lack of experience, it’s just too handful for me. In 34 students in a class, there are 5 of these problematic students. So on Tuesday, since they’re all seemed to have full energy from their breakfast, I came up with this bright idea to bring them out from class to do an activity I planned for them to do in the next day: A survival-of-the-fittest activity which required running and jumping. They would use up their energy and come to class calmer and exhausted. It wasn’t as I predicted, it’s a nightmare on Tuesday morning (so should I say a day-mare?)

Did I mention that there was student who just had a surgery and was on a wheelchair? And he wasn’t a small 3rd grader? So I went on bringing them to the soccer field to do our activity (my activity!). I wished this boy wasn’t heavier than I and I could at least piggyback him. Or I wasn’t this small I could carry him. Anyway, I had to bring him on his wheelchair and I didn’t know that the shortest way to access the soccer field is a jungle track with stairway, and…a jungle track. I also didn’t realize that elementary building was build on a higher level so going to the field is going downhill, literally and metaphorically.

An ordinary miracle happened when some of the most problematic students actually walked with me when the other students ran to the field and helped me bring the wheelchair and its passenger downhill and through the stairway and the jungle track. These smaller students actually lifted the wheelchair so it could pass the rough jungle track safe and sound.

Even though I almost got a heart attack when I saw the rest of the hyperactive students climbing over the 3m fence and refused to come down. The rest of the activity went hectic so I led them back to the class almost exactly like Moses led the Israelite to Canaan, with the “Levites” carrying the wheelchair up front. At the end of the day, even though I almost lost my patience when I found out that the notorious stole some magnets from class, I was so proud of the rest. I learned something from them.

Miss Teacher

2010-02-01T20:26:00.000-08:00

It's only my second day and I'm already frustrated and worn out. It's hard to be a teacher. It's completely different from what I had before, college students; it's exciting yet frustrating.

I was thrown into a dungeon full of kids with no weapon in hand, trying survive all their attacks and deafening noise. I kept thinking that I didn't go to school for this and I didn't have the training to fight these little people. I was relieved when school's over.

Okay, I'm exaggerating. For other dedicated teachers, teaching is that that horrible as I described. It's not that terrifying, but really, sometimes it's frustrating. for instance, I have this understanding how energy can't be created or destroyed and this BIG IDEA can't go through this capillary funnel I'm using to fill these little people's head. I was frustrated when I tried to make them understand that friction caused paper to float in the air and 1 ton of cotton is not less heavy that 1 ton of iron! I really wanted to give up when somehow I came up with using bow and arrow as an example (they're popularity is high in this area, beating britney SPEARS)and they finally understood the basic concept of friction! I could hear Hallelujah Chorus sung in my head! They deserve a round of applause (yay!)

So that was my first day teaching. I'm about to sign a year contract so I can pay my way to MSc. in Forensic Science. Fuuuhhhh

singayudhewe

2010-01-25T23:26:00.000-08:00

My purpose to build this blog is so I can see beautiful things in life that are overlooked although they’re all laid on plain sight. I was a very negative person, self-centered hedonist, cynical and critical. I am still. My brother said I have problem with my past that I retain a psychological wound and it had become fester that I have more tendency to hurt others. Analyze me! Maybe I was, but doesn’t every human being have the tendency to hurt others, even unintentionally? Every friction, every encounter, every move, every thought, every word we utter may cause hurt to others. Even the way we came to this earth caused pain. And yet, humanity survived living in pain, sufferings and calamities for more than 10,000 years if you’re a creationist or young-earth believer. So there must be something about it that we could actually survive living as an earthling?
Not all of us like me, seeing things in negativity, everything is all about suffering and pain. I’m not really like that, actually. It’s obvious that I’m emotionally perturbed as I write this post. Ironically, most of the times, being perturbed is actually my muse. I’ve been reading my old post and most of the times writing blog post had been my refuge, to express my perturbed thoughts and let the whole world read it. Everyone needs a channel to let out their pain and sufferings. Sometimes I get jealous with people who can express their feelings through something. My musician friends compose songs, another writes poem, some paint, and some yell at their bf/gf. Whatever ways they use their talents to express their feelings (except the last one) , pain and agony, most if is came out as the most beautiful masterpiece! Love tragedy like Romeo and Juliet is the most beautiful romance story ever! We learn memorable lessons from failures, hurts and mistakes.
I always ask why there’s pain, failures and heartbreaks, and I’m not the only one. Yet, I’m not the only one who takes things for granted. The most delicious food we eat is when we’re hungry the most; the most refreshing drink is when we’re thirsty the most; and the most beautiful thing is when we’ve seen the ugliest.

Lost

2010-01-06T07:32:00.000-08:00

When I checked my following list, I think people are so out of inspirations lately. I'm not the only one then. I've been writing blog posts mentally since it's really hard to get connected in this jungle. There are so many things I would like to blog about. I don't even know where to start. I hope I'll have connection soon so I can write anytime inspiration comes.

Right now, LOST is the closest word to describe my feelings, thoughts, condition right now. I'm so lost. I've lost my inspiration. I'm lost.

Civilization at last!

2009-11-08T00:16:00.000-08:00

I haven't been connected to the Internet for quite a while. I can survive without TV or electricity for the whole week but Internet is my best friend. My second home :D It's not like I'm a web developer or something, but almost all my friend are on the internet. Mobile phone signal coming and going. My mom is the only company I had these few days. Other than old Good Housekeeping and Andrea Hirata's novels.

Things are more precious when it's missed. I didn't see magazines, books and internet as privileges. Now when some people are illiterate, I learned-the hard way-that knowledge, connection to the outer world is a privilege. These people living in this remote place don't know what they're missing, and sadly, so as those people with all the privileges. People with all the luxuries of Internet connection, books, magazines and TV, you need to slow down and enjoy the "privileges" that went unnoticed on plain sight like fresh air, rain and mosquitoes:D

Not "This Is It" Yet

2009-10-29T23:19:00.000-07:00

Connection to the Internet is actually a privilege. I just found that when I got back here, without connection to the Internet; how much more free connection like in MC. Sorry, AIU now. I've been writing posts on my mental note and I always lost it everytime I have the chance to get connected to the Internet, by any means.

I'm going home to my hometown (even though it's not actually my hometown)where Internet is a luxury. I'll live quiet far from the city so I'll be lonely. Hope to get connected as soon as possible.

Bored 2.0

2009-10-14T21:01:00.000-07:00

Upgraded boredom.

I can't find internet everywhere here so everytime I have the chance to write a blog post I should write something (moreover, it's Blog Action Day and I haven't promote anything related to climate change). I've had things in my mental notes, yet I don't feel like being philosophical right now, or even inspired of writing something.

My mom "chase" me out from the house this morning since she assumed I was sad that my life had no purpose so I need some entertainment. Quite amusing. I mean, I have a purpose. I just haven't figured it out. Actually, I haven't found my niche yet. Everyone has their own niche. Just like everyone in the Ecosystem. What's mine, I don't know yet. Maybe I haven't tried hard enough to figure it out. Or I don't have the motivation to figure it out. Or maybe... my niche is actually waiting for me to want to fill it. Analyzing it doesn't help. I'm lost.

Never Say Never

2009-09-15T08:18:00.000-07:00

I watched this Australian movie entitled "Never Say Never" and the phrase kind of stuck in my brain even though I didn't really understand what I meant that time.(Indonesian reader, try to translate the phrase word by word to Indonesian; just doesn't make sense) I came to understand what it meant in sometime in high school but I didn't really think that's applicable because most things that I said never obviously never happened. So I never actually means never.

Lerie listed things that she said never on and it actually happened. I thought about it and listed in my mental note things that I thought would never happened and didn't happen. Why I came to this subject if never actually means never?

When the news that my beloved Papa passed away, I thought to myself that my life would never be the same again. I thought that I had planned my life and I could see myself as something I dreamed about. I wanted to be a scientist, a forensic scientist and I was making my way through it. But while I was sitting there by the casket, I lost my purpose of life and I didn't want die with regret. I did so many things that I'm not proud of and regretting many more. As my siblings somehow drift back to playing their roles in life (at least they have defined profession in life: a pastor, a teacher, a student), my life's really not the same again. What am I now? What's my role now? What makes me, me? I'm Sonya, I'm a...........(I need to fill the blank soon). I've made, or built my identity this far (not very far actually) but now I need to review my identity.

What am I looking for in life? What makes me get up in the morning and still breathing the next day? I believe that my dad was let asleep because he had done his role and fulfilled God's purpose in his life. Why God would let someone suffer living on this sinful earth if His purpose is fulfilled? Living is harder than being death. So by letting someone to rest, God is being kind. To the death. But God's plan is beyond comprehension and how did I get into that? Oh ya, my purpose in life. I lost my purpose in life.

If I money was my motivation, then after I get money, then what? That's it. Use the money for this and that..and what? Buy hand phone, game, dresses, make up, books, watch movie...and the list will never end. If career was my motivation, than after I get my Master's degree, I want PhD, and after that what? Will I be satisfied with that? I don't want to grow old and regret what I did earlier in life. What is the thing that I really want to do that won't make my life pointless? A pointless life is a life spent without doing any good to any other human being.We're social being, remember?

The thing I don't see myself doing is teaching and doing business. And these are the things I MIGHT be doing in a near future. And yeah, never say never.I thought the best thing in life is to do what we want to do. But human can't stop wanting and I'm the kind of person who's hard to satisfy, like most people actually, and I'm easily bored, so I don't like to do the same thing for a very long time. So yeah...I'm lost. I don't know what I want and look for in life. Teaching and doing business are the "never" things for me but doing things we said "never" at are actually the most adventurous things we could have done in life! Of course with the beautiful variation in people, it doesn't apply with everyone. Not everyone is adventurous. Adventurous not always means good either. But some adventurous things are worth trying. And I'm going to give them a try.

Past-Midnite Thoughts

2009-09-03T10:36:00.000-07:00

It's almost 02.00 in the morning and I'm still [half]wide awake watching TV. I apparently not a morning person. I'm a bat. I was a morning person; got up really early in the morning and sleep before 10.00 at night. High school, that's when I started sleeping 03.00 in the morning watching movies on HBO. My guilty pleasure. And tonight, here I am, like always, can't stop thinking about random things.

I talk to my mom just now and after I thought about it, we basically talked about one thing for 57 minutes: about the future. We talked about some people, the past, my siblings, family members here and there but mostly, the future. There are more things we have in common now: we both single (for different reasons, of course), jobless, and just traveling around [almost] purposeless. Based on this things, she wanted me to come home and accompany her.

I know I was very heartless (I'd say), for being so selfish and wanted to have my own ways to plan my future. My purpose of life been was so..egocentric. I want to be great. Who doesn't? I want to be a great scientist, achieve great things, earn a lot of money that I can do things I want to do, buy things that will make me happy adding to the endless list of things that I want to do and join the band of hedonist. I deserve to be great!

But no, I don't deserve anything. I haven't done anything to deserve something. What makes great people great anyway? Is it what they achieved? How much they earn? How religious they are? How devoted, hardworking, discipline, determined, successful they are? Or how happy they are? And will achieving less things make me less great?

Spiritually saying, as a created being, I'm already great no matter what I've achieved, how much money I make, even how miserable I am. And what makes humans great is not what they are,what they do or what they've achieved in life, but how much they are loved by God. Don't you feel GREAT? So..as the dawn approaching, have a GREAT day!

BORED

2009-08-12T07:35:00.000-07:00

An acquaintance once said that we're bored when we're not doing anything because we don't have the sense of purpose and role in humanity. I find that true these days. When I was way younger, I was bored because I really DIDN'T have anything to do(which rarely happened); no friends to play with, all toys were either broken or had bored me, no place to explore, raining outside, no TV show to watch, no book to read, etc., etc. Now, and I mean NOW I'm bored because I've lost the sense of having a role in society as one of the reasons I'm bored. I have all the sources to not be bored but still, boredom from a purposeless life hanging in the air.

Purposeless life? Well..we all know that we all have purpose in life. (If anyone don't know, read Rick Warren's "Purpose Driven Life") I know that my life has purpose yet I'm bored? Maybe it's not the feeling of purposeless life. It's just the unsatisfied spirit of mine. When I was working, I really need and want holiday, and now, when I'm on "vacation", I want to work. Or maybe, I'm just worried about the future I can't enjoy the present. I have fear of facing the uncertain future. I could have done everything I could, but I don't really have the power over my future. I mean, things happen. We can plan out our whole life, yet unexpected things happen.

So..I think I've done almost all that I could, so I will just sit here, watching TV, and enjoy this day :)

Hhhmmm....

2009-07-27T03:38:00.000-07:00

Welcome back to blogging world, my dear Self!

I was so inspired to blog a few minutes ago, but it seems like I've lost the urge to write something. Maybe because I have so many things in my mind and I want to write all at the same time. It's very frustrating to have something to write about but there's another thing comes up and that "very interesting" thing is about to be written is forgotten. Grrr!

So..maybe I should start with this day. Hmm...it started the day before actually. Or the day before yesterday?.. Maybe two days ago is a good start.
Ok. So there's this Indonesian Choir visiting AIU campus. For Sabbath service, the performed three wonderful songs. Their name is TOT Choir btw. We sat there and enjoyed their performance, even though it's technically not for us, it's praising God. But it was enjoyable. Like any other choir, the smallest soprano (physically)has the highest voice. Mostly. This choir too. It's really mind-blasting :D
As one of the Indonesians remained on campus, we took pictures with the choir. I got tired with taking pictures so we went out to eat in the green noddles place. We had great noddles, cha yen, and time and stop by Khun Malee vineyard. It seemed it's going to rain so we went back quickly, stopping by to take picture at the front gate. I didn't want to go home yet so we went to Deanna's place to watch "Joan of Arcadia". Later that afternoon, the choir had another performance but we didn't go. We got food from outside campus and played Wii instead. It was a fun night.

I was sneezing and feeling awful that I slept early..er that night, praying it's not H1N1 since I felt a little feverish. It continued untill the next day, I practically slept the whole day and watched a few episodes of "Beauty and Geek". That night (means last night..) the choir had another cultural performance so we went to see it. They performed dances from East Indonesia (actually, most of the dances they performed were from central Indonesia, not east Indonesia..but I think I was the only one cared about trivial thing). The first one came from my dad's homeprovince but I had no idea about it. I know the name but that's the only thing I remembered. The other dance was trivial to me. The LAST dance was something. It's from MY home province (my mom and dad came from different cultural background, island and region. So for Indonesian, I'm a little "third culture"). The music I was familiar with, the songs I could actually sing (I memorized the lyric when I was younger) and the dance I used to dance with my friends :YOSPAN. Yeeyyyyeeeeyyyyeeeyy!!!!

And we took picture with the dancer..

I just had a taste of home....

On Death..or Life?

2009-06-21T21:35:00.000-07:00

Death is easy, living is hard. Yet every single living creatures is struggling to survive, to live. Suicide is a sin, and longevity is a gift; sometimes an achievement. Perfect health doesn't guarantee longevity;some people with perfect health and die sooner than those who are squandering their health. Some failed suicide attempts, some were unborn. Life is more appreciated when there is death, more loved although it's a struggle.

People try to live healthily so they don't die, and "achieve" longevity. But isn't life is a gift? Then why we live healthily? Qualified life?

Why people want to live long? So they have more time to make up their mistakes, and do some more? Or to have most of it? Isn't heaven is incomparable to life on earth?

Life is more on getting, receiving, or giving?

2009-06-01T21:28:00.000-07:00

It's fascinating to realize the fact that human can feel more than one emotion at once.
I'm glad that I'm home, sad for my mom, and missing my dad. Regret for times I did not spend with my parents and happy for the times I've spent with them. Grateful for family and friends. Angry for the circumstance.

"I can do all things with Christ who strengthen me"

Where No Man Has Gone Before

2009-05-25T03:55:00.000-07:00

We have come the the age where we can actually portray all the science fiction we had while we're growing up. Maybe MY generation, who are now young adults, mid-twenties, to mid-thirties. We had "Star Wars" trilogy not very long ago, a remake and sequels for 1977's Star Wars. We finally can see "Transformer" in a movie, not in cartoon anymore. The X-Men. Even "Alvin and the Chipmunks". I wonder if they would make "Voltron" or "Patlabor", or "Gundam" movies. Comparing "Batman Forever" and "Dark Knight" is like comparing integral and basic arithmetic. "Dark Knight" is the integral. Way more advance. We have the technology to "make dreams come true".

I tried to remember how 'Star Trek' was like, when the way younger me watching it on the only TV channel back in those days, TVRI (Televisi Republik Indonesia).I vividly remember Spock, Cpt. Kirk. The split-finger salute.Fitted uniform. And along came RCTI, with "Star Trek: The New Generation".I can't forget Patrick Steward, that Klingon, the guy with funny visor, and my favorite: Data, the only one whose name I can actually remember.

I've never seen any Star Trek movies. Maybe I did, once when I was much smaller; I couldn't remember. Anyway, I couldn't wait till someone download the movie so I went down to Bangkok and watched the movie. As "Angels and Demons" I didn't expect anything. Just enjoy. So I got the ticket in advance and waited for it while reading "Laskar Pelangi" by Andrea Hirata. I chose a different seat this time. I thought I should try a couple of rows behind the row I chose for "Angels and Demons". I considered moving the seat a few rows forward, good thing I didn't. It was EVEN BETTER seat than the one before. It's right in the middle. Perfect. I planned ahead so I wouldn't hold my pee the whole movie, but this time, I was afraid I would miss the last van to Muak Lek. According to the ticket guy, the movie runs for 2 hours so by my estimation, the movie would end at exactly 20.00, and I have 10 mins. to reach Victory Monument. So just sit back and enjoy.

I was expecting they would put the theme song in the begining. They didn't; replacing it with a very futuristic opening. The plot goes back and forth. A bit confusing in the begining but there's no anachronism in the characters' childhood as far as I know . Blame of the "Black Hole" if the viewers find the story confusing. Thanks to Spock (spoiler). I didn't have to be Nero to realize that :) The couple on my right, left way before the movie got exciting. It's either the girl didn't understand the movie (she kept asking the guy what's going on), or they're going to watch "Night at the Museum 2" in the other room. I wouldn't waste my time guessing. I was just relieved they left since the bimbo had no idea what she was watching and she shrugged annoyingly when I tried so hard to hold my laugh on funny parts. She didn't get the joke. It was the downside of watching in the theater, I couldn't laugh my head off.

So basically the movie told the background stories of the main, original characters. No Spock's birth nor his conception. Sorry Raj:). The story goes somehow unpredictable until near the end. Of course we would know the end: the heroes will win. So, in the end, they saved the day, the story end (duhh..or just started, since it was "The Beginning")

The movie ran smoothly, no broken tape. Viewer should have a small knowledge about Star Trek to fully understand the movie. It's still enjoyable if one doesn't know anything about Star Trek,though. Those who have would have the "Ohhh.." moments. If no knowledge at all, at least ability to follow the story is needed. Crucially. If not, this movie would not be appreciated or enjoyed. Isn't that what the movie maker had intended, to put some hidden story on what is obvious? I mean, they would not give the story plainly. It won't be fun and stick the viewer on their seat. So like in any other movie, viewers need to follow the story, don't sleep or chitchating while the movie is on.

Unlike "Angels and Demons", they sprinkled some romance that somehow annoyed me, a little bit. The romance distorted the image of the characters. If I were the scriptwriter, I would write the romance in Spock's logic. Oooopppssss, spoiler! Ok enough with the spoiler. The story was dynamic, the music was a step below "Angels and Demons"'s, the picture was the best. Zachary Quinto's still hot as Spock (the real Spock would be steamy). Even Eric Bana was a good-looking Romulan. The comedy, even in just a bite, was a strong point in making this movie a must-see. Overall, go watch Star Trek XI!

Live long and prosper.

No Expectation

2009-05-24T20:45:00.000-07:00

My main purpose of going to Bangkok yesterday was to watch "Star Trek". If I woke up yesterday morning as I planned to, the story would be different. I would watch "Star Trek", stop by Kinokuniya, watch another random movie and go back before 6pm. But I got up late, so I took the later van, reached Bangkok later than planned. When I got there at about 13.00 and "Star Trek" started at 13.40 but VIP ONLY. The next one would be at 17.40. What am I gonna do for 4 hours?, I thought. I had a silent plan to watch "Angels and Demons" too, but after I finish reading the book so I would have some ideas about the movie. I need to study it beforehand, in other words( I wish I did this during college :P). I haven't finished reading the book for..5 years! Started in High School when I found the book in a book store; it was in Bahasa. I started reading the first and second chapters, and I found the English version about 2 years later,and continued to third and fourth chapters and stopped; so I actually started it 7 years ago?? Wow! And I haven't finished it! To make the story short, I watched the movie with no "preparation" nor expectation.

I had a bad habit of doing research about what I'm gonna watch. Like "300"; I watched the trailer, the making, and read the review in Bangkok Post before I watched it. Or "Hitman". It was quiet a disappointment since they can't really depict the game into a movie. It was a whack (like Jun would say). Harry Potter fans would understand that. Or "Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian". Or even "The Princess's Diary". Annyyywwaayy, since I didn't finish the book, I had no expectation on the movie. I remember Deanna said about we're "disappointed by our own expectation", that so true to me. Since I had no expectation, the movie turned out to be a very good movie, excellent even!

These are reasons why it was an excellent movie according to me:

One. The plot is very intriguing. Since I had no idea how the plot will turn out, I enjoyed the fast-paced change of place. Of course it's slower and more details in the book, I believe.

Two. The plot was so fast, there was no room for romance. Why is this a good thing? I'm enjoying the excitement of actions, mysteries, and thrill, so if you (the characters) want to have romance, please, find your own time. Or play (or watch) chic flick. I wasn't in a mood for romance, and romance doesn't have to be in EVERY movie right? I'd prefer movies that have integrity; they don't have to put some romance to increase their gross revenue, in other words, get people to watch it. People are just so desperate to be loved (or just gullible) that they would be drawn for romance-themed works. Only a few movies had this integrity. The "Da Vinci Code" movie (not the book though, there was a hint of romance in the book between Robert and Sophia), "Finding Nemo", "Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe", and "The Passion of Christ" are just some examples of this kind of movies. Not that I don't like romance. If it's obviously a love story, or need some romance, I loved that. Like "Troy", or "Wall E". But some additions of unnecessary romance kill the movie, like in "Transformer". Come on, I want to enjoy the robots and the actions, do you have to put romance on everything? If you do, then make it more "romantic" and less "passionate". They are not Siamese twin, they can stand by themselves, romance doesn't mean passionate, vice versa. See "Wall E". Or the "Dark Knight".
That's my personal believe. You don't have to agree with me.

Three. The music. *Speechless...The best I ever heard, so far :) Really. The chanting choir, male choir in forte, Latin songs, all are my favorite.

Four. The setting. I like how Dan Brown brought the readers from places to places, gave the dynamic to the story that it wouldn't remain stagnant. I got tired just reading the book, the movie, even better! They shot the movie on angles beyond my imagination while reading [parts]the book.

Fifth. I was sitting on the best spot. In the middle.I didn't have to tilt my head backward because it's too close, or sit straight up for it's too far. My knees were stiff, though, from sitting down too long.

The movie was cut in the middle, as if the tape was broken or the tape deliverer was late (kaya di Janji Joni). The guy to my left kept eating, the noise he made was annoying. The couple to my right ate chocolate waffle (I think) the smell distracted me (I wanted some too :( ). I was holding my pee throughout the movie. Other than that, it was AWESOME!

High Cholesterol

2009-05-24T20:36:00.000-07:00

Question on Final Test:
"What is a disadvantage of vegetative propagation (no-sex reproduction)?"

Expected answer:
"Genetically identical offspring which cuts down species variability. In other words, no more variation of offsprings."

Given answer:
"Give high cholesterol if vegetative propagation is activated in your enzyme."

I blame the question.

New Year Resolution

2009-05-24T19:20:00.000-07:00

I've been living in Thailand for more than three years but, shame on me, my Thai is very limited. I can barely survive. I went to Bangkok yesterday and picked up a Lonely Planet's Thai Phrasebook.

But I didn't.

This is what happenned. (I know..I watched too much How I Met Your Mother)

My 2009 New Year Resolution was to read more books and watch more movies (how lame..). I'm doing great in squandering life.
And this are my progresses:
~Books I've read so far this year:
A Spot of Bother-Mark Haddon
The Witch of Portobello-Paulo Coelho
Hide and Seek-James Patterson
(Hmmm..not that many...:( )
~ Movies I've watched (for the list.)
"
3/6 - Watchmen
Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson and Carla Gugino star in this adaptation of the famed graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.
Onya: Uhhmmm..maybe..but not anticipating.
Today Onya: Nopes. Not interested. ( I read the spoiler on Wikipedia and TIME mag. though :P)

Monsters Vs. Aliens 3/27 - Monsters Vs. Aliens
Reese Witherspoon and Hugh Laurie star in this animated flick about a rag-tag band of mutants assembled by the U.S. military to thwart an invasion.
Onya: Reese Witherspoon? Hmm..Well..I won't say no to animation
Today Onya: I missed it. Still showing in Siam Paragon though.

4/3 - Fast & Furious 4
Paul Walker and Vin Diesel partner up once again to fight crime and drive really fast.
Onya: Yes, if there's nothing else to watch
Today Onya: No change of mind

5/1 - X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Hugh Jackman stars in this prequel to the X-Men trilogy exploring how Logan became the adamantium blade-wielding mutant Wolverine.
Onya:One of my favorite superheroes! But still, wait till someone download it :D
Today Onya: Someone really downloaded it; it was the leaked-from-the-studio-version one, with the unfinished 3D effects. Plot still very interesting. It's still awesome. Just the unfinished effects made it like a 60's movie. Downside of pirated copy.

Star Trek 5/8 - Star Trek
"Lost" creator J. J. Abrams reboots the beloved sci-fi franchise in this prequel exploring the early days of Kirk and Spock.
Onya: Zachary Quinto as Spock? Definitely anticipating someone to download it
Today Onya: Past Onya couldn't wait for someone to download it and went to Bkk to watch it. It was AWESOME!!! I'll post a review (more of comments, actually).

5/15 - Angels & Demons
Tom Hanks returns as the "Da Vinci Code" cryptologist Robert Langdon to thwart a plot by the Illuminati to blow up the Vatican.
Onya: Bet the book is better (like-almost-always)
Today Onya: Past Onya, you lost the bet! It was worth going down to Bkk and watched in Siam Paragon! SUPER!

Oh, mon, this is bad.

Bittersweet Week

2009-05-17T22:42:00.000-07:00

It started on last Monday (110509), two days before the last Final exam (Principle of Bio). I had no more final grade to be calculated, just waiting for this last one. Not procrastinating really paid off. I was so proud of myself :D hehehe (But I wasn't proud of myself being lazy the whole week)

So Monday, we had a BF practice for graduation. I was thinking of dumpling before the practice and I got, practically, a meal! We had some food from English department's senior farewell. It was..awesome! I loved the curry.

Thursday. Senior Banquet. The same place as last year, made me reminiscing on last
year's Senior Banquet. Seeing me and my friends on spots we "visited". The infamous bridge. The ballroom. The midnight shop. We didn't visit the swimming pool and bungalows, though. Visualizing Daron and Lerie running around making sure the program run well. Kessarin knocking a glass of coke causing a Niagara falls flowing to my Cinderella skirt. Shimona taking picture/video of Kishen carrying Daron. Flashes from cameras. Some things haven't changed, though. Deanna with her signature catchphrase ("One, two, three, smmiillleeee!!"), friends, food, and fun.

Wednesday, I had to invigilate PoB final test and there's not much to write about it.

Thursday. A day before graduation. We had practice in church and..that was something I looked forward to that day.

And Friday came. We had rehearsal and Kessarin arrived that evening. We got to church late and missed the Baccalaureate speech by Dr. Kai Arasola. Oh well. We spent the whole night experimenting make up on our clients (the graduands: Pheap and Bay) so we would know how to do their make up for the next day. We finished at 3 am and we had to wake up around 7am to do their make up on Saturday morning.

Saturday/Sabbath. I had my solo debut :D My knees were shaking like crazy, I could barely stand still. Called Rochael from the stage using cellphone so she could call Auntie Sheila and/or bring some water for the speaker and the translator. It was a successful attempt. hehehe Took more pictures. Busiest day. Science faculty lunch. Indonesian club farewell party. Religious concert. Malaysian Party. Eating out with friends.

Another early morning make up, dress up and head to church. Got caught in the rain. Heavy rain. Had lunch in cafeteria while watching an old promotional video of Mission College. Bayu was still lean in that video (that video was made more than 4 years ago I believe). Lepak in Deanna's house waiting for the Princess, watching NatGeo Channel and How I Met Your Mother. Returned to Auditorium. Gave some flowers and stuffed pig to some friends. Bay left that night and Pheap early the next morning. And that was Sunday.

Monday was an in lieu Visakha Bucha holiday (Hari Raya Waisak). I slept literally the whole day, exhausted from the weekend. And that was the anticlimax of the Bittersweet week. I was happy to have a small reunion with friends, hang out, eat, dress up, and have fun but that would be the last for quite a long time. Now Shimona's "No Goodbye" is playing again in my head. I think that song is a perfect theme song for the week.

2009-05-11T21:40:00.000-07:00

Some people had their lives planned out. But that's not including me.
Some people had things like job, opportunities, someone special waiting for them. If there's anything waiting for me, it doesn't show a sign.

I know that adventures are actually waiting for me, with "if" on it's gate. Things are sometimes seem too good to be true.

"IF I had more money, I could do....()"

"IF I had GPA higher than 3.00, I could.."

"IF I this wasn't my major, I could.."

Why am I so stuck with what I DON'T have and did not achieve?
Are my dreams "too good to be true" because of my limitations?

I'm tempted to give up and stop believing. But it's the only thing I got! I ONLY have FAITH.
I'm so ready for adventures! New adventures!

Many people have their lives planned out. Fortunately, I don't have anything planned out. Come what may.

2009-05-06T01:10:00.000-07:00

I just need to write something. So many things going on in my brain; I need to get it out, at least a bit.

I need to give positive reinforcement to myself.

"I can get trough this!"

"Smangat!"

"This is part of the adventure."

"Trust Him!"

what else..?

"Onya, you can do this!"

"Yey!"

Dead Rat Spirit

2009-05-03T21:40:00.000-07:00

It was last week when GB Class had a Final Lab Test and one part of the assessment is to dissect a mouse. Supposedly. We always 'order' the mice from purchasing department. We never got big enough mouse for dissection. We've ordered mice for more than twice. So this time, I ordered the mice way ahead of time knowing that it's really hard to catch a big enough mouse.

On the exam day, Dina called me from downstairs telling me I should get a cage or something since the mice the purchasing department brought were, not big, huge!
"Ok. Huge. How huge is huge?" I thought.
When I went downstairs, it was HUGE! And there's no mice, but TWO BIG RATS! What's different between mouse and rat? Read "The Tale of Despereaux". Ok, mouse is cute, rat is..nasty. Like Pinky and the Brain, apperance-wise, Pinky is a rat and Brain is a mouse. See the difference?

Anyway, one of the rat was more than 1 Kg, a bit smaller than a cat, and the other one is not that big, my fists size (my hands are small, hope you can imagine). About two hours later they brought a can of mice. I didn't look into it, but I could hear the terrified voice of the mice.

So we started the exam. Dissection. I killed the mice in the can but I left the rats alive. I didn't have the guts to kill them. Robin, one of the student got the small-cat-size rat and killed it. FYI, for dissection, drowning is a good method to kill the mouse or rat; I didn't say it's the best because for me, it's cruel. Chloroform is much faster and considerably painless. Robin used the latter method. The downside of this method is the chloroform he used wasn't killing it enough compare to it's body mass. The rat was still moving but unconscious when he started cutting the skin. My goosebumps are standing reminiscing the events. The organs inside were beatifully visible compare to the small ones.

(I went to eat lunch before finishing this blog and heard a bad news: one of MC ex-faculty's young sons drowned yesterday. Coincide with the story I'm telling? Better be not. He was in my Cradle Roll class..speechless..I think I can't continue writing this post. )

2009-04-23T01:36:00.000-07:00

One down, two more to go. Two more final tests to prepare. Ohhh....headache...

2009-04-20T02:52:00.000-07:00

First day of school after Songkran break, I was greeted with this extraordinary answer (I was marking Principle of Bio test papers):

Q:What adaptive advantage does the plant gain by producing bright colored flower?
A:(supposedly) Attract pollinators
THE extraordinary answer:
"It's interesting for animal to have sex with plant or flower."

(WWWWWWHHHHHHHHAAAAAATTTTTTT?????)

Sadly to say, it's a real answer from real a real person.

Students, please don't skip class.

2009-04-17T09:06:00.000-07:00

So..yeah..I've been thinking lately..

As people were answering to their calls, like my brother as a pastor, his wife as a teacher and/or a pastor's wife, Shimona as a teacher, Daron as a linguist, and some other people, I prayed that God would send me to a place where I'm really needed. I prayed I would be doing what I love and trained to do, a scientist, but I don't see it lately any job call that fits me. The thing is, I prayed so that God would post me where HE thinks I'm needed, not where "I" want to be. I prayed that I would be ready to be sent anywhere in this world where I'm needed.

I was reading Reader's Digest the other day about slums in Mumbai, apparently the spots where they shot "Slumdog Millionaire". I've seen such place in Jakarta and some other places so it's new to me to see those images. I have the ability, like most people, to imagine things with my five senses. So as I looking at the images of Mumbai's slum, I was visualizing it in 3D-180degrees, feeling the heat, smelling the rotting garbage, hear the roaring garbage trucks and people talking in language-I-don't-understand-but-somehow-sounds-like-Hindi-movie and tasting the dust in the air. And that would be the last place I want to be. Not the best place on earth(the worst might be), yet, how if that's the place I'm needed the most?? Am I ready to be sent to those places??

I'm not a city girl that I'm more ready to be posted to some rain-forest-jungle areas rather than urban-jungle. But well...how about Mother Teresa? or Virgin Mary? Everyone knows Mother Teresa and what she had gone through. And Virgin Mary. She was fifteen (most probably) when she had Jesus. I was climbing trees and...no I was in high school get educated.

I think I should change what I'm praying for. Pray so I'll be ready to be sent whereever He wants me to be. It's not about me; it's about Him!

2009-04-15T09:39:00.000-07:00

A late night post. For working days. I'm on holiday mode(late to bed late to rise), so it's not yet late. People aren't blogging these few weeks, which indicates that they actually enjoying their holiday to the max, I hope. Like Deanna said months ago when we didn't post any blog post for more than a month: Means we actually doing something that we didn't have time to blog :)) Well..true in a way..depends.

Anyway, I haven't done much this holiday except getting wet and watching movies online. I've thought of something, but maybe I'll post it later, after holiday. Lazy to use my brain lately. Come on, it's holiday! :D

Happy Songkran!!

2009-04-13T05:50:00.000-07:00

The Big Bang Theory S02 still streaming and while waiting I thought to myself, why don't I just post a blog post.

Just got back from Khaosan road; tired, hungry and sunburned. Going to Khaosan Road to play Songkran this time was really something and..eventful. Not that I never traveled to Khaosan road before, but if you all following the news about Bangkok, Thailand is politically not in good condition and these Red-shirt people are rallying, blocking some roads for the past four days. Their purpose is (as I read in the net) to let other countries know that Thai people are not okay with PM Abisith's corrupted government..or something like that. They are supporting the former PM Thaksin Shinawatra, I suppose.

On the way to Khaosan ( I took motor-taxi) they block the road to Democracy Monument (the three junctions that are coming to Democracy Monument) with empty buses. Luckily, I was using motor-taxi so the drover could make a way through.

So I arrived save and sound nearby Khaosan (some other road, which name I forgot), yet, halfway, the official closed Khaosan Road and saying something in Thai which I understood as "the country is in bad condition, please stop playing and go home, since it's unsafe to play". Since it was in Thai, most foreigners did not understand the message and keep playing while the Thais were leaving Khaosan Road and went to play somewhere else nearby. So they tried to announce it in English, saying," Songkran close. All go home." I found it funny, since it was in English (I didn't mind the brokenness) it's like saying to the tourist to go back to their countries! Thailand is losing $5.6 billion thanks to this weekend mayhem (as BBC News reported), and the way the official said it confirming the ugly situation the country is going through that it's unsafe to be in this kingdom, which lowers down their income from tourism. Aaannyywwayy...those people were still throwing, shooting, spraying water and smearing faces with powder in that area, except on Khaosan Road, like nothing was happening. The night was approaching so we went back to my friend's room in one of the(nice-cheap)guest houses in the area, spotting smoke floating in the air.

Watching the news, I just found out that the ugly condition had gone uglier. First, there was a violent clash between protesters and the army. More than 70 people got injured. Second, they blocked some main roads with buses (like I said, which I would go through in order to get to nearest BTS station), and third, the smoke we saw earlier came from the buses that blocked the road; they were burning the poor buses! So I tried to find alternatives to go home. Since they're blocking some of the arteries, I couldn't take buses. Taxi is a bit costly and don't perform maneuvers like motor-taxi does. But I didn't want to take tuk-tuk or motor-taxi cause I was already clean and dry. There are maybe some other alternatives but I couldn't think of any since I was worried; one of the violent clash between protesters and the police was on Petchburi Road where the Indonesian Embassy is even though it wouldn't make any different since I don't bring my passport, and near Democracy Monument, not very far from Khaosan Road.

In the end I decided to take taxi to the nearest BTS station. So I called a taxi while those guys shooting my pantat (read: bee-you-tee-tee) with icy cold water as I was bending down bargaining with the driver. Luckily the taxi driver had a number of flying (or driving) hours; he knows how to get to the nearest BTS station through roads in the middle of nowhere.

So..here I am, safe and sound at home (thank God!) writing a blog post, eating donut while The Big Bang Theory Video is streaming. The trip was worth it, I got to see God's artistic touch on male Homo sapiens sapiens (read: cute guys *grin)

Memories of Matsuko

2009-04-09T04:00:00.000-07:00

I borrowed a Japanese series from a friend and there's this movie in the DVD. I was curious so I watched it.

The introduction to this movie was very artistic, so I continued watching. It was very interesting. It's about a woman named Matsuko-something, I forgot. It started with a hopeless guy named Sho with his nagging girlfriend saying something that totally unnecessary: how hopeless he was. Then came his father told him to clean his deceased aunt's extremely dirty apartment whom he never knew existed. To make the story short, he was curious about this aunt since his father mentioned how worthless her life was.

So he met some people who knew his aunt and he started to know about her through their stories: flashbacks from her troubled childhood, short-lived teaching job, and problematic abusive lovers. Then after her fifth (or something) lover, whom she loved so much left her, she went into a depression which left her staying in a rundown apartment, became obsessive to a teen idol, yet she tried to get treatment from a hospital which led her to meet her old friend.

In her attempt to get her life back, it ended tragically, while her nephew learned that her life wasn't worthless after all (he saw it in a some kind of a vision).

All these stories were wrapped nicely in a combination of musical, tragedy, comedy, and slapstick. You can find typical Japanese dark-and sometimes somehow perverted-humor in it, yet it's enjoyable. Since it's partly musical, the theme song of this movie will ring in your mind for days, yet you can't actually sing it since it's in Japanese. There are tunes of "What a friend in Jesus" and "Amazing grace" in different lyrics.

Oh well, enough with spoilers. I recomended this movie for those of you who like artistic stuff, not just a mere entertaiment (even though this one left me shedding tears and feel depressed).

Hmmm...

2009-04-07T22:45:00.000-07:00

Songkran break is just around the corner, so as Easter weekend.

Shimona's going to Phuket

Arthur's going to Ujung Genteng

Ana's going camping at M21 Tembagapura

Hazel's going to Singapore

so as Rochael

Deanna's going to Malaysia

Julius is already in Malaysia

and here I am don't know what to do for the break..sigh
At least it's better than having class (har..har..Paps :D. Peace!)

Boyfriend for SALE!

2009-04-05T21:33:00.000-07:00

Yeps, I'm putting my boyfriend on sale. Maybe only Richmond knows who he is, ora actually, WHAT it is. My desktop. I started calling it a HE since he was my faithful companion through my college years until now. The Desktop I have now is actually a hybrid of my original desktop and Bayu's one. It's become a griffin pet Sheldon always wanted, although he's noisy as busy bees. So much memories, and as a hybrid, not only my memories, but Bayu's too! Oh well..this is how it goes with life, we have to leave the our past behind and live the present with the memories of it.

Saturday Night Fever

2009-04-04T09:08:00.000-07:00

This is not one of my ideal Saturday night. Actually my ideal Saturday night would be going out somewhere, watch a movie with friends or just hang out with friend, and I'm so alone tonight so I watched one of the Japanese drama: "My Boss, My Hero". But it wasn't THAT good so I watched some episodes of "Big Bang Theory", again. I've watched all of them so I watched the second season of "How I Met Your Mother" but I like "Big Bang Theory" and felt some kind of withdrawal of "Big Bang Theory". Maybe I just need to go to bed and continue reading Paulo Coelho's "Witch of Portobello" and sleep or my sleeping cycle will be disturbed, again, and I will get cranky on Monday. There.

I'll Never Fall in Love Again

2009-04-02T23:43:00.002-07:00

I heard this song long time ago and when I hear it now, I find it funny :) The lyric is kinda depressing, but brought in a tune which is cheerful that I wouldn't know it's a broken-hearted song. It becomes a heart-cheering song for broken-hearted people. So, Paps (and Toer, you too :D), if you happen to read this blog, find this song and listen to it, ASAP! And for other broken-hearted people (or not), listen to this song, and hope it'll brighten your day.

I'll Never Fall in Love Again

What do you get when you fall in love?
A guy with a pin to burst your bubble
That's what you get for all your trouble
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

What do you get when you kiss a girl
You get enough germs to catch pneumonia
After you do, she'll never phone you
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

Don't tell me what it's all about
cause I've been there and I'm glad I'm out
Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you give your heart
You get it all broken up and battered
That's what you get, a heart that's shattered
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

Out of those chains those chains that bind you
That is why I'm here to remind you

What do you get when you fall in love?
You only get lies and pain and sorrow
So for at least until tomorrow
I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

I'll never fall in love again
I'll never fall in love again

Rain, rain, come today, come again another day!

2009-03-31T03:28:00.000-07:00

It was raining the whole afternoon.

General Biology II lab today was about Terrestrial ecosystem, and supposed to be done outside, walking up the path trough the woods to MHPC from Married Student's quarter there. When the rain came, I felt somehow glad since I didn't have to walk outside when it's raining ehehehe

So we watche that torturous "Earthlings" instead. Actually they didn't have to stay to watch, but most of them stayed. Only two students left and the rest were brave enough to stay and watch the whole movie. I've watched that documentary more than once already but I still find it torturous. I have a sensitive heart, you see (yeah right!).

Anyway, the rain stopped right after the lab. Perfect! The rain loves me! Now I can walk home unharmed :D. I love the rain when I'm in a cozy room like my office or my bedroom. I don't have unconditional love for the rain, but still, the rain loves me :D

Weekend Disaster!

2009-03-29T10:10:00.000-07:00

It's not actually a disaster, but, well...it really disturbs my sleeping cycle. I went to bed on Saturday Night at around 2.30 in the morning and I got up late in the afternoon. I didn't realize I slept through the day. Now I'm still up awake can't sleep and trying to find something to help me feel sleepy. I watched "How I Met Your Mother" season I but still can't sleep. I think the sleeping in is not the only reason I'm still awake. There are so many things going on in my mind plus my pms is still letting the hormones ruining my mood, making me sensitive over everything! Or maybe that syndrome also contributed to my sleeping in today. Make sense either way for me. So here I am, writing a blog post about absolutely nothing, hoping that I will be sleepy in the end of this post.

Sometimes all I need is just someone to talk to. But..it seems like no one wants to listen to what I'm gonna say. Maybe it's bc I'm a bitter, critical, cynical and negative person. I admit that. I'm trying hard to be better (not better in being all those things, but to the opposite direction), I'm trying to be sweet, sensitive and positive. Sometimes it's beyond myself, I couldn't sense it if I'm being critical or bitter or negative or cynical. Maybe bc I'm so used to it. Not good.

Okay...apa kurangnya gwe? I'm always tempted to say I'm lack of everything. Kurang kasih sayang? Kurang perhatian? apa kurang ajar??(pertanyaan nyokap gwe banget kalo lagi marah2) Kurang ajar mungkin eheheheh

Kadang gwe cuma pengen ngobrol ama seseorang yang punya genuine interest ama apa yang gwe hadapi. Dan gwe belum menemukan orang yang bisa..setidaknya hanya mendengarkan dengan penuh perhatian. Ada sih..to some extent. Gwe ngerasa nggak bebas ngobrol ama keluarga gwe akhir2 ini. Gwe mesti harus (redundant kan..) belajar pengertian untuk nggak membebani abang gwe ampe keadaan lebih baik. Bonyok dan ade gwe susah dihubungi. Dan bukan berarti orang2 yang gampang dihubungi ngga punya masalah mereka sendiri. Masalah2 gwe yang payah nggak ada apa2nya dibanding yang mereka hadapi. Masalah gwe paling apa sih, kurang interaksi sosial, kurang komunikasi, kurang pede, kurang ajar :P

Sorry if there are negative things I wrote on this blog post. Don't mean to offend anyone. Just try to throw some things out of my head. Feel better now. It's the whole point of having a blog, isn't it. My problem's solved. I'm sleepy now.

My Dear Onya,

2009-03-26T20:04:00.000-07:00

I know it very well that you'd rather be sleeping at home than sitting in your office marking papers, walking three floors to prepare the labs or checking your email. I knew that you would say "Perfect!" when you saw the papers mounting up your table you could hardy find your red pen under it and start whining about your feckless life. Be reminded, my dear, you've received more than enough. You might not get what you asked, but you got what you didn't even ask. You're living a way better life that never entered your parents imagination when they were your age. You're living an unimaginable life and your future is even beyond your imagination. Look forward for the adventure that's prepared for you; what you have now is just a small path that leads you through the woods where you learn, observe, and inhale the gift of nature, like one of those hikes you had when you were little; you enjoyed it so much. Recall the feeling when things go ugly.

Difficulties you're facing everyday are just twigs and bushes on your way. Be happy with what you've found right now. It hard to be happy when you wish for something that doesn't wish for you. Sometimes God's plan for us is something we've never imagined and we don't have to think so hard or look so far to see his plan.

Don't fight for things that are not worth fighting for. They are just fog that covers your vision to see the things that you are suppose to put your focus on. Be honest to yourself, be honest to others. Accept yourself as you are, for better or for worse. Wear sunscreen. Read a lot, learn a lot. Have fun. Talk to God.

Dont' forget that you are loved. Don't expect everyone to love you if you don't love everyone. Learn to love everyone. If the one you love doesn't love you back, be grateful that you have the capability to love unconditionaly. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

With love,
Onya

Let Us Break Bread Together

2009-03-21T21:03:00.000-07:00

We had Holy Communion yesterday. Many of my friends commented that the communion bread was so thin and...small..we could barely taste the bread.

"Recession," Deanna said.

So I got up this morning thinking about making my own communion bread, wondering if I could still bake communion bread. My mom was a deaconess and she taught me how to bake communion bread, and the last time I baked communion bread was................ hhmmmm...................uuuuhhhhhhhh.............maybe...when I was......12?? Yeps, ten years ago.(!!!!!Wew!) So, yeah, I gathered all the materials: flour, margarine(I don't have olive oil so I thought margarine would do coz using soybean oil would make it taste weird), salt, and sugar. Just throw everything into a bowl and mix them until it feels right.

I'm blessed with an oven, and the bread was ready in less than 15 mins. Yey!
It's a bit pale and very fragile, thanks to the margarine. Oh well..My first attempt after ten years; I have to forgive myself. So I served myself some communion bread, and I remembered I had some prune juice in the fridge.

So there I had, "communion service" with myself, I thanked God for the so-called bread(it's more like breadcrumbs), and the prune juice.

PS: Communion??? How could I call it communion when I was doing it myself?? With my other self?? I'm NOT schizophrenic!

The Unseen

2009-03-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

"...And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

For in this hope we were saved.

But hope that is seen is no hope at all.

Who hopes for what he already has?

But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently...."

-Apostle Paul in Romans 5:5, 8:24,25 NIV-

What's your major?

2009-03-03T23:58:00.000-08:00

I think I'm not the only one who think Principle of Biology is an unnecessary course for GE (I'd prefer Environmental Conservation, but they said this course [PB] will make these people realize how hard Science is..hhmmm). Anyways, I was marking the test papers of PB and I just found out that these people would answer the questions according to their majors, probably since most of them are ESL speakers, the vocabs that were used came from things that they learned and more familiar with.
I won't mention the names, but I could guess their majors by looking at their answer. And I was right.

These are the answers that caught my attention:

List the three main criticism that are put forth by Biologist about Darwin's evolution:
"The variation can not create demand"...(Enterpreneurship Major)
Who is given credit for having published the theory of inheritance of acquired characteristic?
"A person who borrow or use the theory"...(Accounting Major)
"Population have the potential to increase exponentially or algebraically." This view was borrowed by Darwin from....
"The Scripture"...(Theology Major)

I bet those Science students would give scientific answers for some GE tests too..

When the Rain Comes, He Sleeps

2009-03-03T18:55:00.000-08:00

I remember a story my high school principal told us when we about to take our National Exam in order to graduate from High School. We were so worried about the exam since we wouldn't be able to graduate if we failed the exam. It was very hard, Calculus I was nothing compare to the Math exam we had to take. So story goes like this..

" There were two young goat herders working together for a master. The master had so many goats, each herder took care of 50 goats (he had more than two herders, I believe). The herders would let the flocks grazing in the field, but every time the rain came, they would run and collect the goats and put them in the barn. But one of the young herder's always asleep every time the rain came. The other young herder became curious about his friend's habit. He then observed and he found out that every time the DARK CLOUD appeared, his friend started to collect the goats and put them in the barn, so when the rain came, all of the goats were in the barn already!"

Of course you know the moral of the story, and it wasn't sleeping during the exam.

Those of you who chose sleeping as a hobby know that raining is the best time to sleep (of course when you are NOT UNDER the rain, you should be under a roof or some sort of protection).

I just found out that one of the students is having insomnia that pulling his grades down. I don't know what caused the insomnia, but I know that he's the only one who finds it hard to sleep when there's problem. Well...I'm the opposite. Sleeping clears my mind. I also know Someone who could sleep when there's storm and wind and waves!

I never really noticed that story even though I know it by heart. It's NOT amazing to hear about a carpenter, in a boat full of experienced fishermen(not all of them though), sleeping when there's storm and big waves. He must have trusted them so much to navigate the boat safely to the other side that she slept soundly. The storm must've been so fierce that they had to ask a carpenter to safe them! That's amazing! It's like asking an accountant to map the gene! Well..not exactly like that...He wasn't a mere carpenter, He owns the universe, and the disciples were aware of that!

My friend pointed that out the other day, that if Jesus said he would bring us to the other side, we're going to get there safe-and-sound no matter how fierce the storm is. No matter how complicated the problem is, we're in the boat with Jesus and he's asleep peacefully. Even the Teacher is asleep, why would the students still awake trying to do things that don't make things better? Maybe we should calm down and sleep too;it's raining, the best time to sleep, remember? That's comforting and somehow making me sleepy; there's storm in my head.

2009-02-27T00:46:00.001-08:00

Self-pity is our worst enemy
– Helen Keller

TGIF

2009-02-26T18:33:00.000-08:00

Reasons I'm glad today's Friday:

Tomorrow's Saturday
Since tomorrow's Sabbath, I don't have to think about work and somehow I always looking forward to SS discussion with the teenager's class or Dr. Kai/Dr. Fanwar's class.
We're starting the Monascus research again after about 4 months delay.
Barefooter's dinner tomorrow and my chocolate pudding is ready!!
BF will sing in tonite's vesper program
I can wear anything I want to work today
It's one week away from the Bio Trip to Koh Lem Ya
Witnessing Sound's Events 2008 CD arrived yesterday and I can watch it tonite since I should not (if I say can't, Sabbath is all about can/can't which is not true)
watch Gokusen tonite.
Or I can watch that video Julios gave me
and thinking about things I can look forward to make this day special :D

2009-02-24T23:25:00.000-08:00

I've tried Chocolate. Coffee makes me pee, a lot and often (it's diuretic, duuhh). Snacking requires money. Wandering around science building is so unnecessary. Staying in the office with aircon...I'm done with marking and no lab today. Midterm exams. Sigh...
Must fight the sleepiness!
Fighto!

2009-02-18T02:55:00.000-08:00

The heavy rain lasts only for...less then an hour but left the Faculty Research Lab-which is on third floor, ten meters away from the foyer-flooded. Wew!

Rain!!!

2009-02-18T02:31:00.000-08:00

It's raining! It finally rains!!!

Nasi Sudah Menjadi Bubur

2009-02-11T18:10:00.000-08:00

: Literally means "[cooked]rice has become porridge", and idiomatically "there's nothing we can do about it".

Got up feeling awful this morning, I was thinking about having porridge for breakfast. I wished someone would cook porridge for me. My mind has it's own legs that it likes to wander (which make me absent minded most of the time...), and I was thinking of how I'm gonna cook the porridge. Will I cook the porridge or boil the rice. As far as I know, we Indonesian 'cook' our porridge, we boil the 'uncooked' rice (beras) with lots of water, which make the idiom doesn't make sense! How could cooked rice become porridge? Porridge is NOT derivative of rice. Here, in the Land of Good-Food-but-Indonesian-food-is-still-better-for-me, porridge is 'boiled [cooked]rice': khaw tom , (nasi rebus???). Now the idiom makes sense!

Maybe in prehistoric time, or the reign of Jayavarman, when Siam was still under Srivijayan kingdom, the way they cook (or boil) porridge was uniformly used in the entire region. And...Darwinian might say, the ones who 'cooked' porridge migrated further to Nusantara, while the ones who 'boiled' porridge stayed back in Indo-China. Which one evolved more advance, the ones who 'cooked' or the ones who 'boiled', I don't know. I had bread for breakfast.

2009-02-10T07:04:00.001-08:00

"Faith is to believe what you do not see; reward of this faith is to see what you believe."

-Saint Augustine, 4th-5th century father; bishop of Hippo-

2009-02-10T07:02:00.000-08:00

" I do not pray for success. I ask for faithfulness."

-Mother Teresa-

Cultural Night: Killing me softly...

2009-02-08T02:02:00.000-08:00

I'm zuper nervouzz...
We're performing one Indonesian Dance tonight and I'm soooo NOT ready. I suppose to be calming myself down at home instead of working here in the office on a bright Sunday afternoon. I feel blood is rushing on my chin and there's a lump in my throat.

Inhale...

Exhale...

Aw..my palms sweating already...

Christian One-Liner

2009-02-06T22:44:00.000-08:00

Don't let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny. They want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church. If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead, so why should you?

Some minds are like concrete — thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches. What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing "Standing On The Promises" are just sitting on the premises.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them. He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers "fruits of the spirit" over "religious nuts!"

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you controls you.

If God is your copilot, swap seats.

Prayer: don't give God instructions, just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us.

The will of God will never take you to where the grace of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message. The message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen: 1 cross + 3 nails = 4given.

"Father, bless my friends reading this in whatever it is that you know they need."

TGIF!!!

2009-02-05T22:01:00.000-08:00

So glad this is Friday. It was a crazy week, I tell you. Started with an eventful Monday, and hard labor the rest of the week. (*relieved sigh) THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!!!

It's Festival Of Faith (FOF) week so it was pretty tiring. It's suppose to be a spiritual-religious festivity as the name represents. Well..honestly speaking, everytime I think about "festival" I'm expecting..festival!This semester, maybe because I don't sit in the meetings a a student, it feels different. I still think as a student, but attendance is not a compulsory anymore, there's no urge to attend every single FOF meeting. Even there was this one meeting, it was so boring(for me) I sinfully regretted coming to the meeting and played with my phone and Mr.George was about to get my friend's handphone when I realized I should be listening. He reminded me that I shouldn't do that since I'm an "acharn" now (oohhh I hate that "title" more and more..). So I started to listen and it was actually a good message, it's just there were so many things to be done and sitting there wasn't helping finishing all those things. While thinking about things to be done, assignments to complete, I was looking forward to weekend.

And it has come.

Corresponding to the coming of Friday-and of course, Sabbath-, Frendy's sermons today were about Sabbath, resting, ceasing, holy rest and cennecting with God. Growing in up is SDA church, I couldn't see Sabbath as any other days. It's always special. My mom would cook special food or order it if she was too busy, and I always remember the red bean soup (brenebon..now I'm craving for it...). So Sabbath wasn't about setting a day apart from the other, but it's already there, like a celebration, even though growing up, Sabbath oriented on do-don't things.

And now, it's really about setting apart a day to actually "rest"-holy rest as Frendy said. A day to stop thinking about labs on weekdays, chemical to be prepared, media to make, culture to grow, papers to mark and sit back with the Creator. Wow.

I wish I could have this feeling every week. When holiday comes, Friday is not something to look forward to.

Achan!

2009-02-04T19:57:00.000-08:00

Teacher! Acharn!
I honestly hate it when people call me "Teacher" or "Acharn". Not only bc I'm not one, most them who called me that are even way older than me, and it comes with a big responsibility. When someone call you "Acharn", "Teacher", or even "Rabbi", he looks up to you. I'm not someone people should look up to. I'm living a paradoxical- oxymoronic-ironical life (blehh..heavy). People should look up to person like Jesus, not me. Yet, the responsibility people put on you (or me) actually help us keeping our stardard or-should I say- integrity. It's not a people-are-looking-at-me-I- should-look-good mentality. It's more of we-can-affect-others'-life attitude. Conciously or unconciously, we're affecting other's conduct. Of course each one of us have the power of choice, but still, environment has the power to influence people too. We are a social being, remember, and God has designed a social-yet-individual mechanism in us. (I'm confused. Stop there.)
So, I might be called a "teacher"(oh I hate it), but I have the mind of a student who wants to learn more and has a lot more to learn.

2009-02-04T06:49:00.000-08:00

2009-02-03T07:04:00.000-08:00

Love of my life (definitely not Pheap!): Chocolaty Swensens Ice Cream

Onya: A to Z

2009-02-02T23:46:00.000-08:00

It was almost a year ago when I did my A to Z list. I want to do it again for fun, and see my "achievement" :D

A for...
On my previous A to Z list, I mentioned that I had a lot of crushes with names begin with "A" either first name, middle name, or even alias :D
I told one of my "A" crushes that I was attracted to him, (embarrassingly I told him I thought we're (might be) meant to be..what was I thinking??!!) bc he's such a good-caring friend and -I didn't tell him that- he's my type, and he's the only friend that constantly keeping in touch with me since I left Indonesia. Truth to be told, I'm contrary to his type but I'm privileged enough to be his friend, and I'm quite content with that. He's one of my blog reader on it's early days, I dunno if he still does read. Anyway, that's my "A" story. An "achievement" huh?

B for...
BAREFOOTERS!!!!!
I always look forward to Wednesday for Barefooters practice. And I'm not the only one.Wait and see what's "D", and the reasons will be revealed :D
and..
The Buckets. Hilarious!

C for...
Still, Calvin and Hobbes. Haven't been reading Calvin and Hobbes lately
The Chismis are scattered around Thailand and Singapore. Hope we can chismis again together. Soon.

D for...
DUMPLINGS!!!!
This is one of the reasons I looked forward to Bf's practice :fellowship, singing, and DUMPLINGS! So sayang the lady who made them has gone back to China and I don't know if we'll ever find as good dumplings as hers.

E for...
Einsteinium. SO into Physics and Chemistry these days..Guess why :D...

F for...
Not Facebook again, but FUN!! I'm addicted to FUN now. FUN-aholic! Is there such thing?
and..
Forensic Science. I'm going to do MSc. Forensic Science. Pray I can start next semester, God willing. FYI, all I have is faith. And willingness :D

G for...
Google? Let's change that. Actually, when I was typing "F", before "G" I was thinking of Gun. Cho Gun. He's one of my students when I was teaching for summer school in SDAEL Bangkok. He's the brother of Cho Min. He's one of the notorious students in my class which ironically, afraid of his dad, who was a Korean missionary. He would say that he didn't believe in God, yet he's afraid of sinning. One paradoxical kid, which made him unique, and somehow unforgettable.

H for...
"Happiness is a Choice.... Always."
I found that quotation in one of those friends blogs that I follow with the same title Happiness is a Choice. I was pondering about that thing she wrote on her blog, and I still had this skeptical mind that sometimes circumstances could make someone unhappy. But after everything that just happened yesterday, I came to the conclusion: Happiness is a Choice... Always.

I for..
Inquisitive. Daron gave me that "title":D I am inquisitive, and I can say that's one of my strength, but sometimes my weakness since the trivial knowledge taking up so much space in my brain.

J for..
J :"The hypothetical traditional source of those portions of the Pentateuch in which God is referred to with the Tetragrammaton rather than as Elohim." Wew..heavy! In other words, J is used by Bible copier to write God's Name. Still heavy. Interesting!

K for....
Kaumpungan. There's a new member of the Kaumpungan. She's now Mrs. Kaumpungan Jr. :D

L for...
Lord of the Rings. Still reading it. Never ending reading...

M for...
Malachite green. Wondering what that is? It's a stain to stain bacteria. It gives me the literal green thumb. I believe I have the figurative Green thumb, but this thing gives me the literal one and it's there for quite a while. Annoying.

N for..
Never say Never. Lerie's not the only one who told me this. Some other friends said that too. I'm still skeptical, since the more one says it, the more it will happen. I dunno, let's see. Never say never.

O for...
Opacity. Luv this photography website. All of these urban ruins are telling their own stories. Cool!

P for..
Pisonia. Not my name. It's one of the plants genus. I found that randomly on..Wikipedia. I also randomly googled "pisonya" and I found this website which apparently doesn't have much information, but creepy. Who made that, raise you hand!

Q for...
There was no "Q" on my previous list..HHmmm...

R for..
Raja Ampat. I wanted to apply for work there, but..I want to do my studies too..Dillematic.

S for...
Sheldon Cooper, PhD. Heheheheheh
Actually, for Sonia. My boss said in Hindi, it means "my daughter". So everytime he calls me "Sonia" it's like calling his daughter. That's what he said. (He doesn't have a daughter)

T for...
The Big Bang Theory. Not the actual science theory, but the TV series. I LLOOOVVEE IT!!! It really increases ur IQ, not like some other TV series that make you IQ go down a few points.

U for...
Unpretty.
"You can buy your hair if it won't grow
You can fix your nose if you said so
You can buy all the make up
That M.A.C. can make
But if you can't look inside you
Find out, who am I to
Be in the position to make me feel
So damn unpretty
I'll make you feel unpretty too"

V for..
Still, Victory! Can't stop making that sign on pictures..peace..

W for...
Workaholic. I'm a workaholic in making. If I'm not lazy :D ehehehe

X for...
Xylopipe. I remember being in a Xylopipe band when I was in fifth grade. It was fun!

Y for...
Can't believe I didn't have "Y" on my last list too! I was more absent-minded back then.
Tell me how to read "y"! Sometimes it is read as "I" like in "why" and in "happy" it's read as "ee"..confusing. "Y"onfunsing (how to read that?)

Z for..
Zenith. Despite being on the last letter, zenith means the highest point above the observer's horizon attained by a celestial body, in terms of astronomy. Now I'm thinking Ztargazing..hhhmmmm

2009-01-26T01:54:00.000-08:00

I'm so frustrated with this slow office-computer! They expect me to work as much and as hard as everybody else but they gave me the computer that even a museum would refuse (becoz they can't work with it, not bc it's too old :P)!!
Quoting Deanna:"We are dissapointed by our own expectation", I was reminded that it's really hard for human to be content. So should we lower our expectation so we can reach our expectation easily, or higher our expectation and work harder to fulfil it, yet giving space to disapointment to crawl in? If we are easily contented, we wouldn't achieve much.
Thinking about this made me more frustrated that I have to content myself with a thought that I can't and won't achieve, and am not achieving everything that I want. Most of them are granted by the grace of God! So I have to be contented with what I'm given. It's a gift. Who am I to ask more? Yet,.."ask and it'll be given unto you"..Stop there! I'll be more frustrated and confused!

2009-01-25T20:52:00.000-08:00

Where can I find 178,100 baht?

2009-01-25T02:36:00.000-08:00

Isn't he cute?? (Or maybe it's just me :P)
I've been watching The Big Bang Theory since Thursday (and through the whole weekend) and lovin it!!! Moreover, I really like this character, Sheldon..(he reminds me of someone....??) He's so adorable in his own way, but I won't stand living with a guy like this..Watch the series to find out more :D

2009-01-21T01:08:00.000-08:00

I was talking to one of my supervisors, and we talked about his son from all topics. He has a five year-old son, I never met him, but from the picture and some other testimonies, he's a cute little man. I could imagine him running around with his round Homo sapiens sapiens head and bumping here and there and everywhere. My supervisor said he (his son) should get a job cos the first thing he would say when he got back from school:"Can I have juice?" and "I don't like this juice. It's yucky!" So he wants his son to get a job so he would know how expensive things are! Well..what do you expect from a five year-old? I thought that was cute. I mean, it's not like I luv kids, but somehow, they're attracted to me (I wish they're way older :D)Sometimes it's better to talk to kids, cos they're...innocent. They have cute sense of humor that's hilarious to grownups but kids take it seriously (like in "Blood" video on youtube)
I guess our parents are now looking back and thinking about those hilarious things we've done when we were kids and realizing how fast the time passed. And we will do the same thing when we have children in the future and so the cycle goes on.

2009-01-19T05:47:00.000-08:00

Lovin the 'winter' here. Hope it'll stay till March :D
Know some people hate it. There's always two sides of a coin. I wonder what's the only thing we agree with. Human needs air to live, maybe.

Anyway, still lovin the cold weather.

Most Anticipated Movies 2009

2009-01-18T05:17:00.000-08:00

Yahoo Movie Talks released this list about a week after new year and since my unofficial New Year resolution is to read more book and watch more movies, I'd love to watch some of these movies.

3/6 - Watchmen
Malin Akerman, Billy Crudup, Patrick Wilson and Carla Gugino star in this adaptation of the famed graphic novel by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons.
Onya: Uhhmmm..maybe..but not anticipating.

Monsters Vs. Aliens 3/27 - Monsters Vs. Aliens
Reese Witherspoon and Hugh Laurie star in this animated flick about a rag-tag band of mutants assembled by the U.S. military to thwart an invasion.
Onya: Reese Witherspoon? Hmm..Well..I won't say no to animation

4/3 - Fast & Furious
Paul Walker and Vin Diesel partner up once again to fight crime and drive really fast.
Onya: Yes, if there's nothing else to watch

5/1 - X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Hugh Jackman stars in this prequel to the X-Men trilogy exploring how Logan became the adamantium blade-wielding mutant Wolverine.
Onya:One of my favorite superheroes! But still, wait till someone download it :D

Star Trek 5/8 - Star Trek
"Lost" creator J. J. Abrams reboots the beloved sci-fi franchise in this prequel exploring the early days of Kirk and Spock.
Onya: Zachary Quinto as Spock? Definitely anticipating someone to download it

5/15 - Angels & Demons
Tom Hanks returns as the "Da Vinci Code" cryptologist Robert Langdon to thwart a plot by the Illuminati to blow up the Vatican.
Onya: Bet the book is better (like-almost-always)

5/15 - Bruno
"Borat" mastermind Sacha Baron Cohen is terrorizing an unsuspecting public again as a flamboyant Austrian fashion expert.
Onya: hopefully the audience will see beyond "Borat", and not get disapointed if he acts as someone else, not Borat. Mr. Bean's fans (might) understand what I mean.

5/22 - Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
When his favorite museum exhibits are accidentally shipped off to the Smithsonian, hapless museum security guard Larry Daley (Ben Stiller) infiltrates that fabled institution to rescue them.
Onya: Hope it'll be as good, or even better than its prequel

5/2 - Terminator Salvation
Christian Bale stars in this film which is both a sequel and a prequel to the wildly popular time-travel/killer robot action franchise.
Onya: I will watch this movie (only) for Christian Bale!

Up 5/29 - Up
Pixar follows up on their movies about gourmet rats and lonely robots with this flick about a grumpy old man and his balloon-powered floating house.
Onya: Definitely anticipating!

6/5 - Land of the Lost
Will Ferrell stars in this adaptation of the '70s TV show about three people who find themselves in a strange world populated by dinosaurs, monkey people, and reptilian Sleestaks.
Onya: Not on my list

6/19 - Year One
Jack Black and Michael Cera are two prehistoric losers in the middle of Biblical events in a comedy from director Harold Ramis.
Onya: Comes second after 'Up'

6/26 - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox re-team with director Michael Bay for another action-packed battle between warring robots in disguise.
Onya: Anticipating the robots!

7/1 - Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Manny, Sid, Diego and Ellie are back in this third installment in the "Ice Age" franchise, featuring the voice talents of Ray Romano, John Leguizamo, Denis Leary, and Queen Latifah.
Onya: Ice ice baby! Anticipating!

7/1 - Public Enemies
Johnny Depp stars as legendary bank robber John Dillinger and Christian Bale is the G-man on his tail in this true crime drama directed by Michael Mann.
Onya:Johnny Depp? Christian Bale? Totally anticipating!

7/10 - 2012
"Independence Day" and "The Day After Tomorrow" director Roland Emmerich destroys the Earth again, starring John Cusack.
Onya:Wait for reviews

7/17 - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry, Hermione, Ron and friends return to Hogwarts and face Lord Voldemort again in this sixth installment of the series.
Onya: The book is always better.

7/31 - Funny People
"Knocked Up" and "40-Year-Old Virgin" creator Judd Apatow writes and directs this drama/comedy about a stand-up comedians starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen.
Onya: Hhhmmm....

8/7 - G.I. Joe
A live-action extravaganza based on Hasbro's popular line of action figures starring Channing Tatum, Dennis Quaid and Sienna Miller.
Onya: I might watch this movie next year

Inglorious Basterds 8/21 - Inglorious Basterds
After tackling kung fu action and grindhouse horror, writer/director Quentin Tarantino goes to war with Brad Pitt leading a team of Nazi-hunters.
Onya: This one too

10/2 - Shutter Island
Martin Scorsese directs Leonardo DiCaprio for the fourth time in a thriller about U.S. Marshalls pursuing a female escaped convict.
Onya: Not so into Leonardo DiCaprio

10/16 - Where the Wild Things Are
Director Spike Jones brings to life Maurice Sendak's classic children's book about a boy transported to a world of monsters.
Onya: Three stars

11/6 - A Christmas Carol
Jim Carrey plays Scrooge and all of the ghosts in a digital 3D motion-capture movie from director Robert Zemeckis.
Onya: Jim Carrey and animation? So anticipating!

11/6 - The Fantastic Mr. Fox
An animated telling of Roald Dahl's beloved novel from director Wes Anderson ("Rushmore" and "The Royal Tennenbaums").
Onya: Can't resist animation

11/6 - The Wolfman
Benicio Del Toro stars as a nobleman who, thanks to a werewolf bite, begins regular moonlit massacres of the local folk.
Onya: nnaahh

11/20 - Sherlock Holmes
Robert Downey Jr. brings the legendary London sleuth to life, with Jude Law as the faithful Dr. Watson and directed by Guy Ritchie.
Onya: Sherlock Holmes? Let's see if they can make it better than the book. Or as good as the book.

11/20 - New Moon
Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart return as Edward and Bella for the second chapter in the "Twilight" series.
Onya: Heleh..corny

11/28 - The Lovely Bones
The adaptation of Alice Sebold's bestselling novel about a the murder of a young girl, directed by Peter Jackson.
Onya: Find the novel would be better I think

12/18 - Avatar
James Cameron directs this 3D sci-fi action epic that features ground-breaking, eye-popping special effects.
Onya: Maybe...most likely to watch.This year. Or next year (since it'll be out end of year)

The Princess and the Frog 12/25 - The Princess and the Frog
Disney presents its first traditional hand-drawn animated film in five years with a fairy tale set in New Orleans during the Jazz Age.
Onya: Must watch!

2009-01-16T20:53:00.000-08:00

"If we dwell on the positive side, we will be always positive."
-Uncle Mel Paculanang-

2009-01-16T20:50:00.000-08:00

"Even in our sleep, pain which we can not forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our will comes despair, against our will comes wisom, through the awful grace of God"
-Aeschylus-

2009-01-09T05:59:00.000-08:00

Change of plan. Or another alternative. Whichever, since I don't have my own plan yet. My mom was right. I shouldn't go home yet. I'm blessed with a very thoughtful and loving mother. She said that I should not go home, enjoy my life abroad, learn more, get more experience, enjoy life, cos I'll be older before I know it (duh!) and have to settle down and have a family....My mom rocks!!!!

2009-01-08T02:47:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow will be a "serious" working day. For me. I mean, I have to come to work as a regular; I've been coming and going to work as I please. Good, I won't be as bored as today. More load starting next week, and I haven't done my homework (finding fresh Bryophytes for one of the labs). I'm so ready for the next "adventure" (mwahahah) and I'm imagining how it's gonna be like if things really go according to MY MOM's plan and I'll be working somewhere else next term. I'll be travelling to new places, speaking old-new language, hang out in new places, making new friends, missing old friends, it's somehow exciting. Or maybe I'll be assigned with a new mission,that'll be FUNtastic since it's still a mystery :D
Come what may...

2009-01-07T18:35:00.000-08:00

The Burmese Phyton is molting. In my office!!!

2009-01-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

Shimona's No Goodbye is playing trough my head over and over again...

Hiks..hiks...

2009-01-05T22:58:00.000-08:00

RJ posted a "weird" post and I'm gonna put up a "srange" post :D
Strange. Yeps. People told me that I've lost weight. Pause.
The last time I weighed my self, I was 50kg, and true, I look skinny. I apparently own a skinny torso, and I could see my clavicle sticking out under my throat. So where's the 50kg? Obviously it's not evenly distributed, more on my pantat and..my hair!
50kg? Iye, berat dosa :D
(translation:The sins making me heavy, not my flesh, pantat, nor hair :D)

2009-01-04T21:23:00.000-08:00

Still in holiday mood, I was almost late for my first appointment this morning. I wanted the holiday would last-at least-longer, not forever, since I love my job. I'm considering and applying for a similar job for next school year, pray I'll be accepted and leave this beautiful place. Everyone's leaving anyway. Fun never lasts. It's gonna be another adventure, which I'm so IN! Hopefully..hopefully..

I've spent the whole vacation mostly with young(er) people and some old(er) people which MADE me reflecting on my life, what i have done to ruin it, slowly..but sure. I don't know what I've been doing, but from the place I'm viewing it, it's a little messed up. I was looking at my sister, and RJ, and Megan, and seeing someone I was, the way I used to be. Now..I'm an underachiever, fun-loving individual, busy doing nothing. It's new year, no resolution, no plan, and found FUN in it! I wish I could just enjoy every moment of it without any pressure of finding money or mate (I have enough with the "when is your turn" question). Yet, I have to find purpose in life, make myself useful or..do I have to?

I wish I could live in Neverland where I wouldn't grow up and could fly away just with happy thought.

2009-01-04T21:04:00.000-08:00

"When someone trust you despite your shortcomings, I believe it is grace."
Gerard Bernard

My Guilty Pleasures

2009-01-03T06:08:00.000-08:00

Salt
I really like salty food, and sometimes eat salt by itself. So unhealthy...
Daydream
Most often, I daydream about.....my cozy bed! Next on the list is food, and the third is places I really want to go like Bhutan, or Air Terjun 2 (in my hometown), or Platinum Fashion Mall :P
Chismis
I know that knowing about other people's weaknesses doesn't make myself better. But it somehow makes me "feel" better, to be honest, but not better than them. Knowing that other people make mistakes too.
Trivia
I've wasted so much time wanting to know more about things that are trivial. It's like my best interest, yet no one really knows the use of it.

2008-12-31T11:27:00.000-08:00

Apparently I'm not the only one blogging on New Year :) It's not bc I chose to be in the house on New Year, but..I don't want to give bad examples for the young(er) people around me :P

Well, we (My sister, RJ, Megan and I) went shopping today in Chinatown and it was packed with ppl n-e-w-s, thank God we got everything that we needed and we were exhausted (still, we went to Platinum afterward; BIG SALE, Daron :D!!) and too tired to go out in the evening (beside the reason above :D). So we ate in the house with the some neighbors, and watched the fireworks on the backyard. It was fun for, literally, a moment, which is not a good start for new year.

My parents are leaving for Butterworth (edited from Batterworth, thx D!) tomorrow, and yeah that's not the only thing that makes me confuse on how to have one feeling at a time. Next year is a great mystery. Some friends won't be around, more workload(which is good to distract my mind), and...no plan :D

And the "no plan" for new year is the best part.....

Seriously, I don't have any plan for this year. Come what may....

2008-12-31T07:15:00.000-08:00

This will be the last post this year. Wish you all a fantastic, fabulous, adventurous, extraordinary, splendid NEW YEAR!
May the Lord overflow you with His blessing...

2008-12-28T03:22:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, it startles me to realize how overwhelming changes could be. The feeling of being in my comfort zone is so pleasant, it's very annoying to be kicked out from it. Graduation, wedding, even birthday can be very overwhelming. Those occasions are expected to bring happiness, sense of achievement, yet, the aftermath of them is, somehow, painful.
Most them are not as painful as funeral or some other grievous occasions, but it still shattering some people.
Graduation gives us the great sense of achievement, yet separation from friends and family, anxiousness of new life, challenges, and work wash all the excitement of graduation away. So as wedding, for some people. And birthday for some people that are afraid of getting old, like myself.
And some of us may find comfort in each other presence, having each other in mind, and knowing that Someone never change.

2008-12-22T19:41:00.000-08:00

So the wedding was over and all the hardwork, headache, trips to chinatown, guest list, songs, dresses, had come to the end. Now I can't help myself NOT being chismus about the wedding nite :) (*evil grin)

I'm listening to "All the good things"-Nelly Furtado, and yet things are just started.

No more grading and stuff so I'm "preparing the way" for the next intern by putting all the lab handouts together and getting rid of test papers.

Is it really the beginning? It feels like it's the end. I miss the days we walked to P'noy, Dairy Festivals, Christmas, Sunflower field, Bible camps, Bayu's fish, Lunches in SC buildings, Korean dramas, food and more food! I miss banquet night, graduation, us throwing paper balls to the fan, oh my..I feel old. It's like talking about the old days, as if it's ten-twenty years ago. It was just yesterday, last semester, last year, last two years.

It's a part of life, I guess. And it came to pass..(Luke 1:23)

2008-12-21T18:56:00.000-08:00

My friends introduced me to this poem few years ago, when we're still in junior high and I loved the poem and the poet, Khalil Gibran. That big event yesterday (which gave my mom a meltdown) reminded me of this poem and I tried to google it but I didn't find the exact same translation like the one on my junior high yearbook.

Anakmu bukan milikmu (Khalil Gibran)

Anakmu bukan milikmu
Mereka putra-putri Sang Hidup yang rindu pada diri sendiri
Lewat engkau mereka lahir
Namun bukan dari engkau
Mereka ada padamu, tapi bukan hakmu

Berikan mereka kasih sayangmu,
tapi jangan sodorkan bentuk pemikiranmu
Sebab pada mereka ada alam pikiran sendiri

Patut kau berikan rumah untuk raganya
tapi tidak untuk jiwanya
Sebab jiwa mereka adalah penghuni rumah masa depan
yang tidak dapat kau kunjungi sekalipun dalam mimpi

Kau boleh berusaha menyerupai mereka
namun jangan membuat mereka menyerupaimu
Sebab kehidupan tidak pernah berjalan mundur
pun tidak tenggelam bersama masa lalu

Kaulah busur dan anak-anakmulah anak panah yang meluncur
Sang Pemanah maha tau sasaran bidikan keabadian
Dia merentangkanmu dengan kekuasan-Nya
hingga anak panah itu melesat
jauh serta tepat

Meliuklah dengan sukacita dalam
rentang Sang Pemanah
sebab Dia mengasihi anak panah yang melesat laksana kilat
sebagaimana pula dikasihinya busur yang mantap

translated from "On Children" as a part from The Prophet

On Children
Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let our bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

2008-12-18T06:23:00.000-08:00

I'm having a cocktail of feelings rite now.

2008-12-18T04:26:00.000-08:00

It's not the first time I wish I'm not a girl. It's not like I'm being ungrateful of who I am (sometimes it's privilege to be a girl) but living in this part of the world, with this eastern culture, it's a good-and-bad news.

I hate putting myself into trouble but I like to try it with my toe. I just fell on trouble. It felt bad. Like fell on someone's vomit. Maybe fall into vomit is even better than the guilty feeling I'm having now.

Most couples have problems with their in-laws, like mother-in-law with daugther-in-law, or son-in-law and father-in-law. In my case, I just made problem with my brother's mother-in-law (which practically doesn't have anything to do with me, ut well..it's like a distant relative). I know exactly my fault is:letting myself being out there really late. I didn't do anything illicit. Maybe I did. I'm a girl, staying up soooo late with a grown male, that's illicit. Ethically. Morally. So now I'm immoral? Unethical? Perhaps. And that's where I did wrong.

I don't know what can undo my mistake. Regret? That's what I'm feeling now. Control+Z? I wish. Promise myself not to do it again. Hhmm... I'm sorry people. I know that it's not only affecting me but all of you (well, not all, but specifically SOME of you). I'm sorry. I really do. I'll be more considerate next time. Sorry...

2008-12-15T21:56:00.000-08:00

I diagnosed myself having low serotonin level and high blood sugar level. I need Indonesian food! Desperately! I envy Lerie for having Indonesian food while I'm here drooling just to think bout it :( Yeah, my parents are so close yet so far...